Dysfunctional Workplace

Kill the messenger

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 02:09:53 +0000

Why is it that when a CEO gets his feelings hurt, he responds with the instant blame game? GROW UP man, you are in charge of a company. Get your feelings under control. When you HR leader makes you aware of a situation in the firm, and provides you with some information and options, don’t lash out at HR. It’s my JOB to tell you what’s going on. If I just dumped it in your lap, than it might make sense for you to express frustration by freaking out. But I’m coming to you with a business problem and a solution. Let me do my job, and how about you listen, consider, and THEN react. Don’t accuse me of crazy when you are acting nuts.

Clocked In and Checked Out

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 04:09:10 +0000

From the title, this sounds like a post that belongs in my “Employees Behaving Badly” category. However, this one is just for CEOs. Listen fella, when you run a dysfunctional company you get dysfunctional behavior. Here’s some sure-fire ways to de-motivate your workforce and pay people salaries for a) job hunting while on the clock, b) texting their friends, c) gaming, and d) gossiping/visiting with coworkers.

Hold no one accountable. Let your top managers do their own thing and not follow established policies.
Be unethical. Spend the day golfing with your buddies and call it “business development.”
Call someone a liar. Tell someone who raises a valid concern to the CEO level that they are the only one in the company who feels that way.
Be discriminatory. Promote and give raises only to white men who like to go out drinking with you after work.
Shift gears continuously. Totally change the focus, vision, and/or strategy based solely on an article you happened to see in a business magazine and claim that it is a good business decision.
Make business decisions that stroke your ego.
Gossip/Trash your staff. Crap runs down the hill buddy. When you bad mouth your employees to other employees, you set a tone that permeates throughout the entire company.
BS. Call it “collaboration” when the fact is you don’t have a clue or an answer, so you sit back and watch your managers hash out things over which they have no authority.
Fail to model the way. Act like an ass and others will follow suit.

The Silent Treatment…what are we in Junior High?

HR Dysfunction — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 01:55:41 +0000

There is nothing more dysfunctional than the silent treatment at work. If you are pissed at your boss, your employee, or a coworker, the cold shoulder makes you look unprofessionally and frankly, downright pissy. You don’t have to slap on a big smile and be fake; just be cordial and respectful. When things get better, and they will eventually, you’ll be glad you maintained your professionalism.

Yes Jimmy, IT staff DOES read your emails…

HR Dysfunction — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 04:50:43 +0000

You’ve suspected it for years. You wonder if its true. Yes folks, its true. Email is the property of your company, and as such, your manager gets to read it by request. Some companies have policies about who can read your email and under what circumstances. However, you should know that at least one of your IT folks can and probably does surf around in your email from time to time. Most IT employees are ethical and frankly don’t have the time or inclination to do this. But you should know that some aren’t very ethical and/or perhaps have a personal interest in what you’re writing. Or, a manager authorized this behavior for a number of reasons. Here are some tips:

Don’t ever apply for jobs, send out your resumé, or respond to emails from potential employers from your work email. Some IT folks put blockers on attachments that include the word “resume” so they can notify your manager or others that you’ve sent out a resume.
Save your company and boss bashing for your personal email account that you use at home. Remember that even if you use your personal email at work, it’s going through the company server.
When you’re about to resign (and certainly if you have already done so), and you want to keep some of your work files, watch out. Many companies immediately scan your emails upon receiving your resignation. Others watch for files going out. Of course, don’t be stupid enough to send confidential company property out the door. I’m talking about your own work product that isn’t subject to non-compete clauses, etc.

If your IT guy (I’m not sexist…I haven’t actually seen this behavior in a female IT staff member) is one of those information-hording, tech-speaking, insecure asses, I can pretty much confirm that he’s reading your stuff. Particularly if you are in HR or leadership.

Your buddy really is in jail…

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 04:27:49 +0000

OK, this one is for employees who incessantly whine and moan when a colleague is fired. “It’s that big bad mean company screwing the little guy again.” Oh please!

News you can use folks: Your company doesn’t typically fire people for no reason. It’s risky and costly. It’s been my experience that 99% of the time, when someone is fired (and particularly when you have an empowered HR staff who knows what they are doing) it’s for a damned good reason. You just don’t get to know what that reason is. Privacy laws and other reasons prevent us from telling you. So get over your victim syndrome and realize that most likely the guy deserved to be fired.

We weren’t being mean when -

We fired an employee because he didn’t show up for work. He was in jail. He couldn’t come to work. For like 6 months. Yeah, that’s right, jail.
We fired an employee because he exposed his penis to a customer on the elevator. We frown on that stuff folks.
We fired an employee because he shared with his boss that he intended to punch a co-worker. Excuse us for looking out for your safety.
We fired an employee for using his company credit card to purchase porn and pay for 1-800 sex phone conversations. Nice wholesome stuff.
We fired an employee for sending confidential company documents to competitors. We’d like to keep the company afloat and you in a job – so please don’t feel too sorry for this guy.
We fired an employee for pissing off client after client. I know that you liked the employee and that you spent time partying with him. But listen folks, the guy was impacting the bottom line in a bad way – and we really don’t want to do layoffs because we are losing too many clients.

So get a clue. When we don’t tell you why someone was fired it’s usually because there are privacy issues or out of respect for that person. Stop blaming the company.

“Similar to me” error

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 03:13:59 +0000

The “similar to me” error occurs when an individual is treated preferentially because the decision-maker sees him or herself in that person. This manifests in the interviewing process where the interviewer envisions a younger version of himself. It also impacts promotional decisions when managers see themselves in “up and comers”. It flies in the face of diversity initiatives and it is termed an “error” for a reason. How can we ever truly grow if we cherish and nurture only those who are identical to ourselves? Why do leaders continue to take the path of least resistance? A firm with “minnie me’s” who are in the succession pipeline will not keep pace with its competition. Further, when the “good old boy” network is solidly in place, the company misses out on what females, individuals with disabilities, veterans, and those of other races offer. And I’m not talking about a positive spin on the old Affirmative Action plan – I’m talking about differing perspectives that may strengthen the company, identify customer needs, and offer creative solutions that the good old boys just can’t come up with. I hope I live to see the day when firms that pride themselves on being “traditional” and “steeped in culture” recognize that these words translate to “discriminatory” and “my way or the highway politics” – and they take proactive steps to embrace those who aren’t cookie cutters of the CEO.

Dump your crap elsewhere

HR Dysfunction — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 01:57:49 +0000

Over the years, HR professionals have come to be seen by some as therapists. It’s not entirely everyone else’s fault that we live with this perception. Some of the more “old school” HR people love to listen to the gossip under the guise of being a “helpful people person.” But that’s not what I’m paid for. I’m here to develop strategy that adds bottom line value. I’m here to lead my team in serving our clients (employees) by designing and implementing programs that support productivity. Do you SEE a couch in my office? No? That’s because I’m not being paid to have you come in to my office, close the door, and DUMP your frustrations and complaints on me. This is particularly frustrating when you want it to be kept a secret and any recommendations I make for you to take proactive steps to mitigate your situation are dismissed. And if you are the CEO, you can afford a psycho-therapist. So go get one. You put me in an impossible situation when you bitch about other managers who are my peers and expect me to nod in agreement. Go get yourself an anti-anxiety Rx and let me do what you’re paying me for.

Don’t make HR the Forms Nazis

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:33:24 +0000

Any HR person worth their pay doesn’t like running after employees to fill out forms. We hate it. It’s a junior administrative function, but since your insurance and review forms contain confidential info we can’t delegate the forms chase to others. Seriously, we are sick of hounding you to meet deadlines. We get that your job is way more important than our form and we respect what you do. In fact its humiliating to have to cajole you to fill it out when we know you are busy on the core work of the company. So just do it already. You aren’t the only busy professional on earth and we get no personal or professional joy out of chasing you to enter your insurance plan choices on a form that is for your own benefit in the first place. And by the way, when the form clearly says it needs to be completed in blue or black ink (like every other form on earth) please don’t choose this particular moment to express your individuality by using green ink. It’s a pain in the ass to go back to you and make you do it over while your selfish action has held up enrolling every other employee on an insurance plan that requires forms from all participants.

Leadership Retreats – Biggest waste of money since 360 evaluations

HR Dysfunction — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:25:45 +0000

I’ve been to almost every type of “leadership retreat” one can imagine over the years. (Though thankfully I’ve never had to endure the trust falls). Seriously folks, this is the fastest way to drain a budget I’ve seen. Here’s how it goes down:

Scenario One: The CEO wants to “fix” someone who’s acting up. Enter the leadership retreat facilitator. A professional consultant who is to target that issue or person but who masquerades as one who will lead the team towards enlightenment and “ah ha” moments. Reality check: Nothing’s going to change, the person who’s misbehaving probably needs to be told candidly and timely that he or she is doing so – and to cut it out, and you just wasted a boatload of cash on a consultant who, by the way, is going to come a-calling very soon to see how she can “help you out” again. Good luck getting off her email distribution list.
Scenario Two: The Strategic Plan Update. By far the most grueling waste of time yet. The strategic plan needs a facelift so you gather your top managers up in the woods for a few days to hash out the SWOT analysis and re-frame your mission statement. (5 hours seems to be about the right amount of time for that crap) Then, on to strategic goals. Or shall we call them objectives? Or maybe drill down into some tactics? The war of semantics is on. Reality check: In your quest to complete the plan, there is no time for thoughtful reflection or research. You come up with the strategies and then rush back to the office on Monday with a lovely piece of paper which sits in files for another year until…The Strategic Plan Update – Part Deux.
Scenario Three: Teambuilding. Typically this occurs when your CEO is an overgrown frat boy who likes playing warrior in the woods. I’ve done them all. Geoteaming, Amazing Race, Scavenger Hunts, Murder Mysteries, etc. Here’s what: Stop trying to “sell” this crap to your managers as a useful “ah ha” teambuilding exercise. Because frankly, we resent having to give up our weekends with our families to support your need to play games. We work for you – we aren’t your buddies. We have to deal with expensive babysitters, pet care issues, and frankly a lost weekend to placate your silliness. Reality check: This crap doesn’t do anything more to build a team than getting stuck with your CFO in an elevator. Stop forcing fun. It is a huge waste of cash and we don’t like it. We say we do to your face…but we don’t. We’re lying dude.

No one at work wants to “meet the girls”

HR Dysfunction — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 00:54:13 +0000

Here’s a fool-proof way to hold your career back. Remember that great shirt you got at Forever XXI? The one with the sparkly sequins and plunging neckline? “The girls” never looked so good. Well here’s what…don’t wear it to work unless you are employed in an LA tanning salon, a massage parlour, or as a bikini barista. Because in corporate America, no one really wants to see the girls.

I see so many 20-something gals come to work with the low necklines, and then wonder why they aren’t considered for promotions and/or taken seriously. I know, I know…you are getting all steamed up reading this. You’re thinking I must be some middle-aged prude with a bad figure who is jealous. Not so. I’m the HR person that the guys in the office come to saying how awkward they feel trying to look you in the eyes instead of at your neckline. I’m the HR person to whom your manager says “will I get sued for sexual harassment if I tell her to button up a bit?” I’m the HR person who hears comments about you like “My God, what was she thinking?” and “Does she have absolutely no sense of appropriateness?” And I’m the HR person who sees the CEO roll his or her eyes when your name comes up.

Listen gals, you are lucky to have a great figure. I’m not saying you can’t be proud and show that off. Just remember that you have no control over how others perceive you, only over how you present yourself. You may feel it’s fine to lean over and offer full exposure to others in the office. But you don’t really wish for your co-workers to be uncomfortable do you? You aren’t really wanting folks to talk about you behind your back in a derogatory way, are you? Of course not. So please, put the girls away during the day and then if you are so inclined, show them to the world outside of work.